Score: 10

"You guys had way too much fun making this."

submission: 2nd Annual Tank Awards

date: March 6, 2009

But I think that's the kind of attitude that attracts so many promising artists to this site, as seen in this video, so that other fun-loving artists can and want to produce great material for others to enjoy. In the end, it's all about entertainment and loving every second of it, whether you're watching, playing, or creating.

That said, I think the winners and the nominees alike deserved everything they got from honorable mentions to bronze statues. Each and every one had an understanding of how to appeal to all sorts of people all over the spectrum, whether they make things that are universally likable or can only hope for a cult following.

Though I wasn't a big fan of some of the nominees and even disliked some, I can, or at least am beginning to, understand why others enjoy what I don't. Hopefully that's a sign of a step in the right direction where I can have the same love for fun that others do.

Score: 9

"Would've made an excellent Halloween entry"

submission: Escape from Crystal Lake

date: September 2, 2008

Had this been submitted for the Halloween contest, it would've walked away with a few awards. As one user said, we don't just need a horror-themed Flash, but something that's actually scary. This definitely qualifies because of how it attempts to make the player feel like s/he is in the game.

(I'll try to keep this spoiler-free)

I, for one, am a huge fan of claustrophobic-styled games and movies. I like the feeling of being alone, that I have to fend for myself. It was awesome to play this whole thing and know that it was just me and a psychopath.

When he first appeared, it just added a whole new layer to the game, because you just had to ask, "Where will he be next?" I actually had the urge to continue playing because of the horror elements used. Allow me to commend your ability to NOT use cheap shock horror. Although the psycho encounters are close to cheap shock horror, they're really not. You always get that feeling that he's coming, which is a good way to send that chill up the spine.

And for a point and click adventure game, it's nice to see some different elements thrown in there. Again, I won't spoil anything for any new viewers that may be reading this, but for those 'interactive sequences,' they were really well done. It was just nice to take my hand off the mouse and really feel like I was doing what the character was doing. Immersion is a key factor in some games, especially horror, and I would love to see that element explored in future games.

That's about all I can say to praise the game without spoiling it... but I do have a couple nitpicks that I ought to point out:

Even though the artwork was quite good, you ought to explore fleshing it out a bit more. The psycho fights made me feel as if I was playing a new version of Mike Tyson's Punch Out. I don't know if that was intentional or not, but it made the famed psychopath you used to be a little less scary. He's supposed to be a lumbering, hunched, giant of a monster, but the animation used for him felt like the opposite. I was pretty disappointed that he didn't have his weapon of choice, either.

It also would've helped to expand on the number of victims. It pushes the claustrophobic atmosphere by making the player think that s/he is about to find help, only to be alone again. The first encounter was a memorable one, and I would've loved to experience that again. The game does, after all, take place in a camp. There couldn't have been only two people prior to you stumbling in.

These are the only nitpicks I have, but they shy away in the light of the pros of this game. It's really well built, with no bugs as far as I can tell, and as I've said before, would've been a great contender for the Halloween contest.

It might be a bit too late to ask you to make another something like this for the event, but come next year, I would love to see something like this.

Score: 8

"Keep going!"

submission: Blockhead: Quick Shot 2

date: July 6, 2008

If the game is only half as good as your real work, I'm sure we'll be up for a treat.

I'm surprised, though, because for a submission that didn't get the same treatment as the real episodes, it still looks leagues better than what we usually see. However, I'll rate based on your usual standards.

Overall, funny, unique, clever, and well worth the watch.

Score: 4

"You forgot to add something..."

submission: Metal Gear Funnies

date: July 6, 2008

I couldn't help but notice in the Author's Comments that this is supposed to be some vague take on the Internet. This is supposed to portray all of the 'untalented shmucks with Flash.'

Unfortunately, I think this collab couldn't have missed that mark more had the shooter shot in the complete opposite direction with the target being in the next country, to quote Ben Croshaw.

This is most certainly not a representation of the Internet. Not the one you guys see, that is. Instead, I see it as a representation of all the skilled and talented artists that couldn't go any lower than they have now.

Instead of taking the time to create the next big project on Newgrounds, we are reminded yet again that none of you enjoy what is popular today. You continue to beat a dead horse by proclaiming that a cartoon with purposely bad graphics has bad graphics, that a cartoon based on a videogame is based on a videogame, and overall just dissing what you don't like that other people do.

I understand that this was supposed to be purposely bad. But I think you overshot that purpose. I enjoy the occasional hateful cartoon, because it's funny in its own right. However, I couldn't stand watching more than the first two cartoons here. They were too drawn out with the jokes being as old as heaven itself. I wound up skipping the first, and canceled out of the following only seconds after it started.

Essentially, this cartoon took a satirical take on what is popular today. However, instead of being a simple, lovable parody that we could all laugh at, it just took a viewpoint and skewed it and screwed it until the jokes weren't funny anymore. Think about being reminded for the umpteenth time that Michael Jackson likes kids and Tom Cruise jumped on a couch.

Overall, I'm just really disappointed in this. After my buddies informed me on this project's upcoming, I was hoping for a satirical parody that I could laugh at. However, that just didn't happen. I was just reminded again that someone has a different opinion and decides to go loud and proud about it.

Score: 1

"Like a head on collision with World of Warcraft"

submission: Adolf Hitler:CAI493+D 183

date: February 14, 2008

I've always viewed Newgrounds' rating system as a bit of a hit and miss. On the one hand, you've got a network that encourages people to rate and submit reviews, something that often becomes difficult on most sites. However, on the other hand, you've got a system that's essentially the spiritual predecessor to World of Warcraft: a level system that awards people for leveling up, offering them prestige and new privileges, thus resulting in various members doing countless hours, or years if you will, of grinding in an attempt to max their stats. You and this series stand out as the latter.

But first, let's make one thing straight: there is hardly any merit in the Photoshop artwork at hand. Most of the techniques demonstrated over the years are abilities I learned on my first day of my Visual Communications class, and the fact that the visuals here haven't improved despite daily submitting over the course of several years really shows your grasp on the concept of improvement. I really don't mean that as an insult, but obviously you've had years of practice on an actual website viewed by actual people to allow yourself to improve and try new methods, but I haven't seen it yet, nothing that stands out, anyway. Photoshop is well known for creating some amazing images, so when a yearly veteran submits something as basic as this, it's very disappointing.

Next up, please, I really don't want to hear the 'I do this because people want me to' excuse. Fact of the matter is that, no matter how you look at it, due to the aforementioned lack of improvement, there's going to be nothing to look back upon in several years when you finally decide to quit submitting to Newgrounds, whatever the reason may be. I hate to admit it: I am a person who often fears the concept of losing time and having regrets, and just the thought of utilizing several years for something that has barely any merit other than headstrong commitment over nothing just sends a chill down my spine. Just like an MMORPG, if you will.

That's why I try to make stuff, no matter how simple or complex, both online and off, that has reasoning behind it, and I haven't heard any worthy reason yet behind this 'series' other than 'because people want me to,' which would hardly be an excuse for myself.

So why would anyone bother with doing this series? I really don't want to say that I'm right, but what other reason is there? It's obviously not for artistic merit. How about this: whenever I check your profile, there is just an absurd amount of experience across all levels, including blam, protection, whistle, and current level, with several submissions to boot, most of which weren't created by you as much as they've been created by someone else who co-authors you, which resulted in you being the second biggest submitter on the site. I honestly believe that this is all just one big attempt on your part to take advantage of the Newgrounds community to max your stats, something that should be frowned upon in all aspects.

I'm not going to say that you should quit what you're doing; whatever makes you happy, go ahead and do it. I'm just simply stating my view on this, as I really don't see any merit in it other than an attempt at grinding on this RPG of a website. Being someone who has used Photoshop for years, I want to see you actually create a masterpiece, as years of experience ought to demonstrate.

Score: 1

"So what shall I say?"

submission: *UNTITLED*

date: February 9, 2008

Before I tear this thing apart, allow me to state that, just recently, I've decided that I would only write reviews for submissions that absolutely deserved something more than just a 'good job' or 'you need to work on that' from me, as my Tankmen 2 review demonstrated, because showing simple like or dislike is simply not enough for some people on this site.

With that said, I would have to take submissions that set new boundaries, break barriers, or are just too plain awesome for internet goers to comprehend, and offer my critique on how the author ought to continue to ensure that his or her awesomeness remains for years to come.

However, I will encounter authors whose work is just too terribly shitty, just too awful, and yet he or she just doesn't seem to comprehend exactly what kind of hell he or she is putting himself through. Thus, I bring to you my review not just in this submission, but you, as an author, as a whole.

Let's get one thing straight: this is not a Flash, period. You may continue to brag about your knowledge of motion tweening that I learned on my first day of using Flash six years ago, but arguing the premise of what makes a movie a Flash is just too much for you to understand. Simply put, your videos are motion picture productions with Flash elements in them; they are NOT Flash. It's like saying the Harry Potter movies are CG animated because they pasted some special effects on already existing actors. As a matter of factly, the Harry Potter movies are not CG, simply because putting said effects over real life people doesn't turn a motion picture into a computer generated animation as a whole.

Next up, gloating that your submissions just barely missed being blammed is just like being hung, but being thankful that your neck didn't snap to put you out of your misery and now you're just hanging there waiting to suffocate. To put it bluntly, Newgrounds is one of the biggest communities when it comes to Flash submissions and viewing from the public. Part of Newgrounds' huge success is word of mouth, and this includes the best of the best and the worst of the worst of submissions. Let me put it like this: when you grow older, and you start going off to high school where more students reside, you ARE going to be recognized as the submitter on Newgrounds that had all of those ridiculous submissions that no one in their right mind would contribute. You're simply asking for yourself to be ridiculed to hell and back.

Lastly, there's no point to these clips. Of course, a lot of people just like to put their stuff on this site for the hell of it, but some people actually use this site to demonstrate their capabilities as an artist, a writer, a comedian, whatever, and that's what makes them successful: they actually try. For your part, it's perfectly obvious that not a whole lot of people like what you do, and it mostly comes from the fact that you don't try, and there's no merit in any of the submissions you gave. If you continue to submit stuff that just barely takes any notice from anyone, you're just going to wind up being another Star Syndicate or AfroStud, whereas you'll look back on everything that you did and ask yourself, "What was the point to all that?"

I really want to give constructive criticism; I really want to. However, it would just be like Simon on American Idol telling Helen Keller how to sing. To put it bluntly, you need to change what you're doing entirely. Want to make movies? Fine, but not here. You're not going to get any praise for motion picture videos unless you make like the creator of Animation Invasion and put enough Flash into a motion picture to make it look like a Hollywood production. You need to work on the concepts of humor to know what tickles everyone's funny bone, and overall, you just need to practice. I can't stress it enough.

I'm sorry if I came off as an entirely cynical person, but if you continue what you're doing, you're going to get a whole lot worse than this, and that I can guarantee.

Score: 8

"Good series that could benefit from a few changes"

submission: TANKMEN 2

date: January 19, 2008

I've enjoyed Tankmen since episode one as I enjoy the fast back-and-forth bickering of the Newgrounds-inspired gun-wielding midgets in black, but upon watching this episode, I got the same feeling that I have always gotten before, but also got a feeling that a change is in dire need.

Let's get the praise out of the way first:
The art is hardly anything I can go against as it takes after the Newgrounds website design to an insane degree, and despite what few different variations you throw in on character and background designs, everything fits together incredibly well and never looks out of place.

The voice acting is great for the type of series Tankmen is; the humor is subtle and the voices of each character reflect on that, and it's quite obvious that you're very comfortable with your own voice since everything sounds natural. Again, the humor is something that I enjoy; it's not my favorite, and I can understand why others don't enjoy it as much, but the fast back-and-forth bickering makes me go from the beginning to end of each submission without fail, and thankfully, your voice acting aids in this effort.

All right? Let's talk changes.

I have no idea as to how you go about doing your cartoons, but I'm going to go out on a limb and assume that you're the kind that plans out ahead by either writing out scripts ahead of time or plans all of the events in his head before jumping onto the computer to animate and record.

However, Tankmen needs a new way of planning. Whenever I watch, it always seems like you can never expect what's going to happen, and even though that aids in the humor, it doesn't so much aid in the plot. Essentially, I get a modern day Simpsons or Homestar Runner feel from your Tankmen series, as so many crazy things happen all at once that you can't expect how the plot line is going to change or determine what the plot is going to be and how it ought to be resolved.

Mostly, Tankmen needs a solidified plot to aid in the crazy events that take place. When crazy events happen, but you don't know what the characters are trying to go for, it can get a little hard to follow, and that's how Tankmen is doing. It feels like a collaboration of humor and not an actual story, which might be your intent, but it could get tiring after a while. Again, COULD. There's nothing wrong with a small change to compensate for that.

That's just the way I see it. Tankmen is incredibly fun to watch, and I want it to stay that way, but in order for that to happen, something new has to be thrown into the mix, and regardless as to whether or not it's my idea or anything you could come up with, I'd be all up for it.

Score: 9

"Ha ha, classic... total classic."

submission: How 2 Succeed on NG

date: November 26, 2007

(Looks at own submissions)

Aw, crap!

All jokes aside, well animated and quite interesting to watch, as in I just had to keep watching until the end. I think the timing could be a bit better, but then again, the instances I'm referring to were probably done on purpose. Still, definitely worth it. Keep it up.

Score: 6

"I have to agree with the last guy."

submission: Ask Nobodies 5

date: April 27, 2007

That's it? This cartoon was barely a minute long, and the punchline for this one was... kind of bland and disappointing. I liked the early ones, but it really makes me wonder how this becomes a 4.20-ish score (at this moment of course) when it's so basic and kind of uninspiring.

No need to offend or anything, but I think people are just taking the brand name of your series a bit too far, and that's why your score is a tad high. I mean, not that it's horribly bad that it should be blammed, but this really is an overrated cartoon.

I just hope to see better next time.

Score: 2

"I get this is an April Fool's joke, but..."

submission: Kramer Hentai Adventure 4

date: April 4, 2007

There's a couple of things I want to point out.

One: People send in this 'HENTAI-BUT-REALLY-NOT' Flash stuff almost every week, so that nails your 'style' score right in the butt.
Two: If you want people to go all the way to the end for the 'big April Fools' joke, please don't make the audio sound so... horrid. I can imagine that people clocked right out to give some low scores because they couldn't bare it for so long.

I mean, really, I thought it was very strange that this Flash of any other got front paged, so I thought it would be worth checking out... but it really wasn't. Just try to keep it clean and original next time.